good mommie

I do not feel like I have been a good mommie lately. I am cranky and crabby, the house is a wreck, I do not want to cook and I just want to run away. Thankfully Ben is now done with the interpreting program and will be moving on to the big school hopefully next spring. I am just tired of Ben constantly being gone and me doing all of the parenting and cleaning. I wanna play. Not that Ben gets to play, but he gets to be a grown up and away from crying whiny babies.

E has been working on cutting some teeth. today I noticed one has finally broke the surface of her gums, to my surprise it is near the back and feels like it is one of the big teeth. No wonder she has been so fussy. I know the first tooth is hard but to cut a back tooth first, ow.

L is working on the 2 year molars and I am hoping she will be potty training soon. I think the sooner I get on a good schedule for her and not so crabby she will gladly get rid of the diapers.

It is hard to believe that my little girl will be 2 in a couple of weeks, the time has just flown by, I keep looking at her and wondering where my little girl went. I am not sure what to do for the birthday this year. Should we have a party this year? seems silly to me to have a party every year. I love my birthday and I think it is awesome to share it with my little miss. I have always loved my birthday and wanted to celebrate it with the world(my world), since having L I do not feel that there can ever be anything better than the gift she has been in my life and arriving just on my birthday. Awesome.

So on to my musings about being a good mommie. And yes I have purposely chosen to misspell mommy, I like the ie ending better.

What does it take to be a good mommie?
At a glance one might think it is all the surface things, a clean home, beautiful meals, designer clothes for mom and baby, fancy house, all the baby gadgets, and patience.
Well I do not have any of these things.
I have decided that it takes the willingness to put up with a messy home while taking care of the needs of your child, in fact a little of seeing the world through your child's eyes. What is important, not the color of the sofa, but the bounce you get when you jump on it.

it takes helping little hands while they learn to help you with the chores, making the cleanup twice as long.

Good food, not always the most nutritious, but made for bringing the family together.

I may have designer clothes, by me. and for my little kidlets too. I actually feel bad to see my girls running around in clothing that I have not made, except for jeans (I do not want to sew jeans).

I want a home that my children want to be in. this is not the size or decor, it is the feeling of peace, comfort, acceptance, love, strength, fun and laughter.

I am not a patient woman, in fact I am quite the control freak. I try to hide it but it is always there. I want things to go my way in my time frame. I do not know how to be more patient. I have always joked that I am not a Doctor, I do not have patients.

I want to have a calm spirit and be someone my children want to seek out and spend time with. I want to be able to teach them about God and Jesus, and loving everyone. I fall so short of my expectations of being a mother. I look at others and think that they really have it and I do not. I keep wanting to make new clothes for my girls, because that is one thing I am good at. I want to be good at being their mommie. I guess that would also mean, understanding what they need, loving them every minute, correcting and guiding them to good choices, feeding them, clothing them, loving their father, playing with them, singing to them, making a mess and cleaning up together. and so many more things. I hope that I can be a good mom. I am here, I will do what I can.

So if you read this what is a good mommie?

preparedness

I have been going over what is needed for a family of 4 for a 12 month supply of food and other needs. It is quite overwhelming. so I thought that I would break it down in to approximately one month increments and that seems much easier to handle and begin to get. Also I could buy all of one item for a years supply, but then I would only have one or 2 items. It is much better to get what is needed for a month and continue to add one month at a time. So I will not be purchasing 600 lbs of wheat at one time, which is only $200. I will instead be getting enough for about 3 months at a time. I am doing the same with all my big ticket items, and small ones too.

After seeing what is going on in Japan this is daunting, what if all my pre-planning just gets washed away. I will just have to have faith that this will be good for me and my family. I love having cupboards full of food, to me that is security. I do not need all the new fangled gadgets, I want to know that I have food, clothing and shelter. I hope that my family and friends are doing what they can to prepare for emergencies and disasters.

as I type this my Leah is hanging on my right arm, making typing next to impossible.
til next time...

Things I have been thinking about...

Play dates
I have yet to really get into this craze. Really I just want to have time to myself, mostly to sew or run errands and not have to take the girls with me. I do not want to sit at someone elses house while I watch my child play, Ooh fun! I guess I just need a babysitter, or I may not understand the benefits of a play date. I could gab with other women but I want to talk about something other than children and house cleaning.

Sewing
I love, really love sewing and many people have suggested that I sew things and sell them. I like the idea of making money but sewing. I do not want my outlet to be my work. I do not want to have deadlines to get a project finished. My children and family come first, not some sewing project. I think if I did make things to sell it would be pretty fun to get my items out there, right now I sew for my family or I like to make gifts for people.

I rarely get the time so sew the things I want to, how would I have the time to make things to sell.

Dating my husband.
I really want to do this, but we have no money. The things that we enjoy doing together cost money. We have had so many offers for others to babysit our children and that is wonderful but we have to have something to do. I want it to be more romantic, thought out, planned. I want to look nice for my husband. My wardrobe sucks right now, yes I have ALOT of clothes, this does not mean that I can wear them right now.

Guilt for spending money on myself
I really need a massage, I hurt. I need tennis shoes, dental work, a hair cut, and some cute clothes(or just a new bra). But I have a hard time spending any money on myself. I do not want to take anything away from my children or husband. They need things and I can wait. But I am starting to feel resentful that I am always waiting for the things I need.

Meal planning
I should do it but well I just do not know where to start.

Couponing
I want to get in to this. I had started getting coupons from the paper but I did not use the things that there were coupons for. I dont need to get things that are a good deal if I do not use them. How does everyone keep getting such good deals? I have seen some offers of classes but I do not live near the places they are at. Help.

Well I need to get back to the Fam.