I think I may just want too much. I do not mean money, or things. I mean things to do, having good close friends that my children grow up with their children, a clean(or semi-clean) home, time to sew and craft, time to serve others, time in the garden, good quality time with my family, dates with my husband, a girlfriend to call or just go out with for the fun of it, to get away.

I wish I wanted to be here in this part of my life more than I want to be. I know I am missing out on something, but I do not know how.

I had a great friend growing up, a built in best friend, my cousin. We did so much together but we grew apart, we still love each other but we are not pals like we used to be. In HS there were several good friends but life changes and only because of FB are we still in touch. And then in college I had an amazing friend, who helped me to get beyond where I started. I recently found out we have also started on separate paths, well actually that started about the time I got married.

 But now I feel like I am with out a best-girlfriend.

I have my husband and he is wonderful. I just want to talk to a friend, and not a different person every time I need to talk.

Do not get me wrong, I am truly grateful that I have had and still have so many friends. I have honestly been blessed with some wonderful people in my life, I would not be who I am with out you.

 But I still miss having the friend that I can pop in and see and I do not feel like I am imposing, I can speak my mind and they know I do not really mean all the nasty things I say.

 I can drop my children off at a moments notice and she can do the same.

 I want someone to talk to when married days are rough or not so rough.  Some one to commiserate when the day has been just too long and full of whine and tears.

I need a good friend, I need the chance to be a good friend. 

I am trying to be a good wife and mother, I honestly think I am failing at both, so I would like to be able to share my thoughts, feelings, ups, downs, words, cookies, chocolate, etc with a good friend so maybe, just maybe I can get beyond where I feel stuck right now.

I have been trying to make friends, not so busy when my days and nights are filled with energetic children and husband. I am always at a loss what to say and worried, oh so worried that I will open my mouth and just speak my mind... and loose again before I have even had a chance to make another friend.

Now that my tears are staining my face, I will end this. I hope truly hope that this post will help me to move forward in life with what I have and not dwell on what I do not have.

I love my children, I love my handsome, talented husband, I love and miss my Family, I love my In-laws, I love my friends, I even love chocolate.

I love thunder storms, I love rain, I love sunny days.

I am growing to love gardening and planning the landscaping, not my favorite thing but it is nice to be outside. 

I love that this is my voice in the world and I can craft it however I see fit for me. If you like it good.